Audition Experience

I write this post on the morning of the finals for our latest violin audition. In just two hours, our hall will be filled with the concerti of Mozart, Sibelius, Tchaikovsky, Brahms, and maybe even Beethoven (but probably not Mendelssohn). Hopefully by the end of the day we’ll get a new violinist for the orchestra. I was privileged to listen to roughly half of the 150 preliminary auditions this time, but I will not be part of the final committee.
Taking an audition of any kind is a major commitment, and when you give it your full attention you experience the highest highs and lowest lows you face as a player. Taking an audition for a professional orchestra raises the stakes because a win means a major life change. A day like today is a solemn occasion and a chance for great joy as well, and all of us on the committee well remember our time alone on stage.
This truly is audition season, not only here but all over the country. College auditions have been going on since January, summer festivals are accepting recordings sometimes until April, and here in Chicago the Civic orchestra holds its trials as well. All of these auditions mean lessons devoted to them, and as a teacher this time of year means hearing Don Juan and Mozart 39 daily for months! It really stirs up the imagination. I even imagine hearing the same question over and over…

“Should I take an audition for the experience?” It is a difficult question, since many people I respect give an answer different from mine. Think about the phrase “for the experience” and you’ll see that there are two meanings. Imagine a couple honeymooning in Paris. It’s their last day there and they’ve got a dinner reservation to catch, but they happen to walk near the Eiffel Tower and the wife says, “Oh, let’s take the ride to the top.” Husband: “It’ll take too long, and besides, we have to make our 8 o’clock at Chez Snoot.” “Come on, for the experience!” Does the wife mean that by riding to the top of the Eiffel Tower, they will learn something valuable? Something that they could apply to future endeavors? Maybe she’d like to get better at riding to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and this would provide valuable experience? Of course not. She sees an opportunity to do something that she’s never done, something fun that she and her husband can share and remember. Soon it will be a memory, but their lives will only be richer because of this experience.
Surprisingly, this is what some people mean when they talk about taking an audition for the experience. They may not know that this is what they mean, but their attitude toward the process makes their intention clear. They often waffle about taking the audition, even up until a few days before. They talk often with friends about the audition, waiting to hear someone tell them that they should or should not go ahead with it. On audition day, they may look and talk like other candidates, but during their few minutes on stage all they are hoping for is an experience. But what a poor one it turns out to be! Those few minutes are hardly enjoyable: herded on and off stage like an animal, told to play short sections of music that feel uncomfortable, seeing not people but a giant screen. And unlike the Eiffel Tower ride, candidates face this one alone. They cannot share it with anyone else. Their lives are not enriched by this experience. And neither are the lives of the committee members hearing the auditions! In such a case, I would of course answer the original question “no”.
What most people mean, however, when they talk about “the experience” is the learning process. By asking the question, they mean that even though they think they have no chance of winning this particular audition, the process of preparing for and taking it will help them in future auditions. This is certainly a more productive outlook. But even in this case my answer to the original question is “no”. I believe that you should only take an audition you intend to win. This doesn’t mean that you must know you will win, or that you are sure you will love the job you are auditioning for, or that you know you are better than all the other candidates. But you must know in your heart that you are preparing for the audition in order to win it.

But what about the experience you can gain from taking an audition and not winning? Isn’t that important, as well as the improvement you will make along the way? It is true that the audition process is a terrific learning experience whether you win or not. I have taken more auditions than I have won, and I have learned plenty from each one! But I have learned the most from the ones where I was focused on the win from the very start. Why didn’t I learn just as much when I was not focused in this way? Let’s look at some of the reasons that someone would say “I have no chance to win this audition.”
First, the minority: those who have a very good chance to win an audition but who suffer from fear of failure. This kind of candidate is very talented and accomplished, and surrounded by friends and colleagues who wonder why he is always talking himself down. He does so because he feels that he can perform his best only by hiding his head in the sand: mentally minimizing the task and the risk. This way, if he wins, great, and if not, he didn’t really have a chance anyway. I have met a few players like this and would never have guessed it from the quality of their playing. These players, rare though they are, have a severe disconnect between perception and reality. With patient and understanding friends and teachers, they take and win auditions anyway. It is useful to consider the opposite of this player, who nonetheless shares this gulf between perception and reality: the one who is sure she can win an audition, but whose playing lags far behind. This unfortunate combination is not as rare, and can only be cured with an honest self-evaluation as described below.
Most of the candidates who say they have no chance to win actually believe it. They want to win an audition someday, even though it won’t be this one. They may be students, amateurs or professionals. Their playing may be awful or great. It is obvious why a poor player would hold a negative attitude about an audition, but what about a good or even great player? Why would such a candidate think this way? He believes he cannot win for one or both of the following: his general level of play is not high enough, or he performs badly under pressure.

It is obvious that the above beliefs are subjective. So now we get into important matters for those considering an audition. It is vital to have a general sense of your level of play relative to the level of the audition. The best way to gauge this is to ask a teacher or professional familiar with your playing. Of course, many teachers are uncomfortable making any kind of judgment regarding auditions because they are unfamiliar with the process. In that case, you may have to play for someone else if your teacher allows it. If not, or for those without a teacher, the next-best thing is to be acquainted with players who have recently advanced or won at auditions similar to the one you’re considering. These are the kinds of players who will be competing against you. This shouldn’t be a detailed breakdown of strengths and weaknesses, personality traits and lifestyles. Only a general sense of level is needed. If your capabilities are much lower than theirs, you do not have a reasonable chance to win. Read on to see how you can turn this into a positive. This kind of self-evaluation is admittedly difficult and imprecise, but if you decide to go through with the audition you will subject yourself to much worse along the way! Better to dispatch with it before the process begins. If you have no one to advise you and don’t know anyone who has recently done well at an audition, you must make the choice yourself to take the audition and win it.

Why this preoccupation with the win? Isn’t it anti-musical? And besides, only one person can win each audition, so don’t you most likely set yourself up for failure? This is really at the heart of the question. I believe that by making your goal a win, you will play better in the audition, as well as reap maximum benefits along the way.

Now for the above two objections. First, to win an audition, you must play musically, so let’s eliminate that objection. You’re not out to crush the competition with machine-like precision, you’re out to win with great playing at an audition that’s appropriate for you. The second objection hits closer to the mark. Let’s say that 150 people take an audition, they are all at a reasonable level of play, and all have made their goal a win. At least 149 of them will leave the audition having failed to reach their goal. Yet I believe that this is the healthiest of all possible audition scenarios.

Let’s look at one of the 149 candidates who didn’t win. She treated the audition process just as I would have. Would she not have been better off with a different goal? Her goal could have been to make as much improvement as possible during her preparation. It could have been to get more comfortable with some of the excerpts that had bothered her in the past. Or it could have been something more abstract, along the lines of “gaining experience”. Her goal could have been simply to complete the process, to take it from start to finish regardless of outcome so that she would get better at taking auditions. If any of these had been her goals, she would have succeeded rather than failed on audition day.

Those are all wonderful goals, but during an audition process they are by-products. If these side benefits were really the above candidate’s strongest desires, she could have spent her time more constructively. Consider the candidate whose goal is to improve his overall playing. A two-month recital project or even a weekly mock audition group among friends would be more appropriate means. The recital offers him the chance to broaden his repertoire and to play great, complete works in front of an audience. The series of mock auditions offers the chance to test himself many more times than would a single audition. It also offers the chance for feedback, never guaranteed at a professional audition. I often marvel at how many people take auditions without even doing one “dry run” in front of friends, well in advance. This is of great value, especially for the first few auditions. The mock audition series would also be best for the candidate whose goal it is to improve specific excerpts.
But what about the central question: does taking auditions make you better at taking auditions? I believe that it does, but only when the goal is to win each time. What we are really talking about is playing under pressure, which is more difficult than playing when you feel free and easy. This is true of even the greatest soloists. And try as you might, you cannot do anything to eliminate pressure or nerves associated with an audition. You can certainly prepare in ways that minimize the ill effects, but an audition is going to feel different than other kinds of performing. To get better at playing under pressure, you need to play under pressure. This is why some people take many auditions: to improve their playing under pressure. But if this worked, then the person who had taken the most auditions should win every time. It doesn’t happen that way. Why not?

Simply taking auditions provides far too few opportunities to battle-test yourself! Think about it: even if you took an audition every month, constantly preparing lists of excerpts and refining your concerti, that would give you only 12 times during an entire year to play under stress. And 12 auditions a year is an exhausting audition schedule. Most people’s playing would improve very little under such circumstances, and after 12 losses their confidence might well disappear. You need to play nervous every few days if you are going to get used to the feeling. There are many methods for this, outside the scope of this post, but they can be used just as easily preparing for a recital or mock audition as for a real one.

Besides, if your goal is simply experience at an audition, how does that prepare you for the eventual audition where your goal is to win? The two feel very different, I can tell you. If the first time you prepare for a win is when you absolutely have to win the next audition, any failure will be magnified.

Make no mistake: it hurts to fall short of a goal. But as humans we learn to deal with failure. It is normal and healthy once in a while. But many people ensure constant failure by setting too few goals, and those unattainable. Remember that success and failure are subjective, according to your goals. Consider the person who has taken 20 auditions, and has never won. If, during that time, he has never set his sights on anything except the 20 wins, he will have failed 20 times and succeeded 0. This I don’t consider healthy or productive. But if, between those auditions, he has set many other goals that are appropriate to his level, he cannot help but succeed at most of those. In fact, if every day during practice, he is constantly setting and achieving goals, then failing at a few of them will not impede his progress at all.

It is necessary to point out that there are small goals and large ones, and we can’t fool ourselves by achieving many small ones only to consistently fail at the large ones. This is sometimes given as the reason why one shouldn’t set his sights on winning an audition. If this is the case for you, set large goals other than winning an audition! You need the experience of bigger success, many times over. Set up a recital and make your goal the memorization and performance of a complete program. Set up a mock audition series and learn a complete audition list and a new concerto. You will get valuable feedback in the process. You will also fine-tune your sense of which auditions are appropriate for you. Perhaps then you will confidently send in that resumé, ready to compete and win.

There are limitless opportunities for improving your playing. Some of these specifically target playing under duress. An audition is one of them. But it requires an enormous investment of time, energy and even money. Audition day is rarely fun, and the outcome is all or nothing. With an unclear goal, or worse, no goal at all, an audition is a blunt instrument, smashing confidence and dulling musicality. But treated with respect and dedication, an audition is one of the sharpest tools for improving your playing overall, performing under pressure, refining excerpts, improving practice, and of course, taking future auditions. So when you decide that you are ready to win, take a big first step and never look back.